Hello there my dearies,
35 days
I hope you're all well and enjoying the sunshine, wherever you are. It was a gorgeous day here today and I took 3 children and 2 dogs (not all mine I have to say) for a lovely walk by a little river near us. So beautiful in the sunshine, I have to say it made me appreciate my newly found sobriety!
I was having a little jog for myself today and I was thinking 'should I be doing something else to help me along my journey? I'm not drinking and writing my blog, and reading others but is there something else I should do?' Should I be seeing an addiction counceller or well or, I don't really know. I'm worried that though I'm finding all this no drinking pretty easy so far that I'm going to get bored with all the proactive stuff I need to do - writing the blog and reading others that I'll just give up on giving up.
I'm sorry, I know I'm not making much sense so let me try and explain better. I know the way I am, I get really gung ho and excited about things at the start and once I'm a certain way along the road I just seem to lose interest and get bored. This AF stuff has just seemed too easy so far. I don't know I just feel like I'm stuck or something? Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Like I'm feeling that that's it now and I'm a non drinker and it'll be like this forever. For the rest of my life I'll feel tired and just not be a drinker. Argh, I wish I could explain this better. Damn you writing and describing skills...Maybe some of it is that I feel removed a little bit when I'm writing online, that you're not actually talking face to face with people and connecting that way. Anyone feel like that?
Also, sometime else weird is happening me and I'm sure it'll make me sound ker-azee but I keep getting these tiny feelings as if I'm going to have a revelation about not drinking. A thought will pop into my head and it will feel really important but I can't hold onto it long enough to process it. See I told you. Crazy. Brilliant, I give up wine and end up the lady from The Simpsons with the cats.
Very tired most of today again and quite grumpy, nearly started crying about it at one stage. It's really depressing! I've been to doc over last few years about it but nothing shows up on tests. Seems to have deffo gotten worse since I gave up drink.
Thank you for reading that pile of mental debris people. I feel a bit unhinged this evening, as I'm sure you can tell!!
Take care of all yo'selves and I'll chat tomorrow. xxxMtts.
Hi Mtts,
ReplyDeleteI think I know what you mean. Sometimes it's hard to describe what you're feeling isn't it?! As much as I enjoy not drinking, I sometimes ask myself 'is it going to be like this forever? Am I going to have to work this hard forever? When will it become easy and so I don't have to think about it all the time'. Hang in there. There are bound to be down days. I wish though that I could meet all of you. Sometimes it's not enough having virtual friends :(
A x
Yes, I agree. Sometimes I wish we could all meet up and have the chats face to face. That would be so great! And I don't for one second believe it's going to be like this forever, it's going to get easier and change and we're going to change and we're going to start seeing life through a whole new lens and it's going to be so much brighter and better. So there!
DeleteI'm pretty sure at one month I wa still really struggling with forever, who I was, why this had to happen. I know I was.
ReplyDeleteI think counsellors are good. I think going to an AA meeting is a step everyone should take, just to face the fear and to acknowledge your problem and to see what it is really like. Some people will love it- and find meaning there.
Some don't. But at least you will know and they will celebrate your sobriety.
For a long time I worried that being sober was going to be one of my phases. I am notorious for finding an interest, getting into it 10000% and then getting bored.
Somehow this has not happened. Sobriety has brought me a general peace that has allowed me to openmindedly develop an interest in life. Everyday life. Spiritual life. Online life.
I have become very into spiritual seeking, which goes with my love of yoga.
I'm not sure what the years will bring, but I know drinking again wouldn't add to them in any way.
One day at a time. Just relax and see what life tells you!
Thanks Anne, for always posting and having really good stuff to say. I did try AA but I found that it wasn't for me, at the moment anyway.
ReplyDeleteI'm lovely yoga at the moment, it's my chance to connect with my body. Love it. x