The further I get the clearer I see

Hello you bastions of beauty, all of you,

Things are going well here, if you don't count my incredibly short fuse, which poor lovely husband bares the brunt of mostly.

This post won't be too long but can I just say that the further I get from drinking alcohol the more I see how fucked up it made me. How much time I spent worrying about my health (both mental and physical), my kids (how would they cope when I died of cirrhosis), what I'd said or done the night before, my finances and so on. How lately it was harder and harder to get that lovely buzz off it, how my drinking had become more committed and more determined. How I'd stopped all pretence of pacing myself or limiting myself. I was drinking for only one thing. To get pissed. Towards the end I really was ruled by the bottle. Sometimes I'd have one or two glasses and I'd actually feel like stopping but I couldn't. I'd be saying to myself that I'd started now and I have to keep going. That is mental!

I can't believe that I've gone from someone who was terrified for years to face the idea of being a problem drinker and having to do something about it to someone who can't really imagine having a drink again. 

I have found myself being more neurotic about the kids and less patient of people since I've given up. People seem to annoy me more. I'm such a bitch!! I don't know why they do. I was never known for my high levels of tolerance in general but it's really gone to shite lately!

Anyway, we've all lived to fight another day, in whatever state we're in. So go us.
xxxMtts.