Hi guys!
Are any of you still here? I know you are! I've just been MIA, thinking I was doing ok on my own. Well, turns out I'm not. I've found the Christmas (my second sober one) difficult. We've been in the UK with my in-laws. Bottles of spirits everywhere, pre dinner drinks, wine with dinner and then port after. And me, with my sparkling water. Being in the in-laws is difficult enough, and mine are a little eccentric and total hoarders but being with them surrounded by so much booze is even harder. There were a few times when all I wanted was a glass of wine. Then we went on a few gorgeous long walks and had lunch in the pub after, all around me people drinking.
It's a weird two sided feeling. I really miss the feeling that a couple of drinks gives me. That twinkly, starry, feel good feeling. But then I know, I understand that I'm not that kind of drinker. That I can't stop at that. I have to keep going until I'm properly, royally pissed. To the detriment of everything and everyone else.
I don't have that 'Oh life is so wonderful now that I've stopped drinking' feeling that other people seem to have. Life goes on, is still a chore and a grind. I feel tired alot, I get cross, I get pissed off. I suffer from anxiety, I worry about the kids, my husband, myself.
Maybe I need to do more work on myself, maybe I need to exercise more (miss running so much and then feeling that gave me (dodgy knee)) I know I need to get up off my arse and move.
Anyway, just wanted to check in, I've been following a few of you lately and am so glad to see you doing well and still sober.
xxxxx Mtts
Lovely to see a post from you 😊 I checked your blog yesterday to see if it was still active but figured you were doing well and didn't have time to post. You and I reversed countries ha ha as I was in Dublin surrounded by my family drinking at every given opportunity.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear it's been a bit of a chore recently. Have you tried yoga, spinning, circuit training or Pilates? Save the old knee.
I hope this year gives you back a bit if your old mojo and you find some way of getting that feeling you did from running.
Oh fab to see a post from you MTTS! Often wondered how you're getting on. Sorry to hear it's been a chore. I think the only way through that is to play it forward. I mean, when did I EVER stop drinking after that first buzz?? Never. I'm guessing you may be the same. You need to find a displacement activity that ain't running. Due to an injury, so do I - maybe we can brainstorm this together :-) Red xx
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies. Nice to know you're thinking of me, as I you! I've been the master of procrastination lately and have been making all sorts of excuses for not exercising properly. BUT, I'm going to try spinning next week when the kids are back in school. I'm also going to give running a go again, start at the very beginning and do a couch to 5k.
ReplyDeleteYes Red, that's why it's so frustrating, I mean how can I still have that twinkly feeling about alcohol when I know really how it made me feel! I don't get it, it's such a dichotomy.
Thanks a mill for replying guys, it's so nice to hear from you both. xxx
Dear MTTS,
ReplyDeleteI just checked your blog today, and here you are!
I am still with you.
I get it.
I used to have such a romance with wine. It would be so nice to escape for awhile.
Now, I understand that isn't a path for me anymore.
My life has some hard times and good times and in-between times!
But I wish you some calm moments this January, with kids back in school, and you running again!
xo
Wendy
Thanks teach! You are so right, it's just not a path for me anymore. I know I can't drink again. Nor do I particularly want to. That part of my life is over. x
DeleteI'm sorry you are finding things hard...I'm glad to hear you are still sober.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough time of year. Extra vitamin D helps.
And find some other way to move. Running is brutal for the knees...but swimming, cycling? Dancing? Yoga?
I sometimes miss the anticipation and haze of a few drinks, but I mever stopped there and when I chased the highs I got the lows too. I don't miss them at all.
I find life in the middle path shockingly satisfying.
Hugs.
Anne
Lashing the vit d into me! I did a stretch and core class the other night and have that lovely two day later stiffness. Yum! Had a great walk with the dog in the cold and ice this morning. Amazing. I've decided to try and get to the bottom/learn how to work with my anxiety a bit more. I know you'd said something about doing that a few months ago and it really stuck in my head. Thanks!
DeleteHi Mtts, Happy new year. Look xmas is a pain in the arse..you will go back to feeling yourself once you settle back home and the kids are back in school. Get some brisk walks in, download some podcasts, will be as effective as running, or nearly. I managed a sober xmas mostly out of my own house and despite in-laws and many family annoyances. I found checking in with blogs helpful and inspiring. Mostly though my inspiration was a complete f**k up on my part at the end of October, I decided to have a few drinks at a Halloween party and ended up so drunk i blacked out for about an hour. Seriously not cool. I seem to do this every 4 or 5 months, its so miserable and I do not recommend the shame and anxiety! Sobriety is better, trust me.
ReplyDeleteI am emigrating to Boston in 3 weeks so its my new start, new beginning. Pity we didn't get to meet up. If you are ever in Boston, give me a shout xxxx
so true, i've realised I need routine. I crave it! I hated that awful shame the day after, just makes it so not worth it. Ugh. You're moving to Boston, that is so exciting! Will you be working there??
DeleteHello! Keep checking your blog and am delighted to see you're back. I totally get what you're saying. I think christmas and new year are really tough. Our culture is so alcohol based that it's impossible to avoid it but especially at this time of year. I'm glad it's over and everyone is on a health kick so a lot of people aren't drinking. I'm happy to be af but I still can't overthink it or think about forever because I still think about the good bits sometimes. However I never want to go back to being horribly overweight and full of self loathing after polishing off a bottle of wine or more. My life is pretty much the same as before just without the booze. I've gone back to work, I get grumpy and tired, I get annoyed at the kids etc etc. I've not started any life changing hobbies or had a huge enlightenment but I am not getting drunk in front of my kids or being hungover while trying to look after them. I can put them to bed and chat with them. My eldest has just started high school and really needs me to be there for him. We have quite a lot of deep chats, mostly late at night. I couldn't have done this before. I'd either be asleep on the sofa or couldn't be bothered. That's it for me. Sorry you're finding it tough but keep going! Must be coming up to 2 years? Sending you a hug xxx
ReplyDeleteamazing, those chats we would have missed out on if we were still drinking. sometimes I think it's easy to forget actually how bad it made you feel. It's easy to just remember that lovely warm glow at the start. thank you SO much for replying. it really helps!
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