Thursday 8 September 2016

Reflection

So, back to school time for Irish mammy, thank god! A bit of time for myself again. September (as sober mummy writes) is the new new year. A time to make some space for me time, to focus on things that we can do for ourselves, join a class, get moving, meet friends for coffee.

I've been reflecting lately on my drinking days. I'm so glad I'm free from all that worry and guilt. So glad I don't have to worry about getting the kids to school with a hangover or feeling bad if I open a bottle of wine on a school night. Free from all those thoughts about what I'm doing to myself, physically and mentally, and to my kids by continuous boozing. It's so freeing to feel that I don't have to take hangovers into account when I'm arranging to meet people or to do things. I'm free, free, free from all that! I can say yes to anything at any time and know that I won't have to cancel or take a rain check. I think I'm more reliable and a better friend now.

I found parts of the summer tough, especially when we were away in the UK camping. At a certain time of the evening every would be sat outside drinking yum chilled white wine or lovely, crisp lager. That was a bit hard. But I just cracked open the sparkling water and elderflower cordial and that got me over the hump. I'm so glad I didn't have that worry after having a glass, where was the next one going to come from. That prison that forces you to manipulate the day (not to mention the people around you) to shoe horn alcohol into it. I could never just have one. Even still, I don't see the point in it. And that's why I had to stop. I was drinking myself down to the bottom of bad health, mentally and physically.

Yes, I still have my bad, dark, rotten days, hours and minutes. Yes, my mental health issues weren't casued by alcohol but they certainly weren't helped by it. Yes, sometimes I miss it badly. But lately and for the first time in ages I'm profoundly and fundamentally really glad that I no longer drink alcohol.

If you are in that place of worry, of on line 'are you an alcoholic?' quizzes, of regret about what you did or said the night before, of concern about your liver, of trying to moderate, trying and trying and trying but really never getting anywhere - then please give it up. You are too intelligent than to let yourself get in the way of yourself!!

xxMtts


7 comments:

  1. Yay hello! Our kids went back 3 weeks ago. And I went back to work part time. After 10 years!!! I am also so glad to be not drinking any more and it's almost the norm for me. I still don't discuss why I stopped in great detail and I never say it's forever (although I think it is) but it's good to be without it!

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  2. Dear MTTS,
    I agree a whole bunch!
    It is such a freedom!
    Happy September to you!
    I am so glad to hear from you!
    xo
    Wendy

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  3. Lovely to read your post! You sound so happy. It's lovely. Sober life is just so much better isn't it? A x

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  4. I'm almost five years free, and I still miss it horribly sometimes, too. But life is too good to risk again, I just kind of feel like I'd be slapping God, Fate, The Stars and the Moon, in the face if I disgraced this gift I've been given. So proud of you for sticking it through the summer. I'm going camping next week and vacations of any sort are still kind of melancholy.

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  5. I find I now miss wine at the oddest of times. Like last night my husband was away and I was renting a movie. I wanted red wine. It was the first time in ages I wanted to drink and I wanted it alone . It's not at parties or dinners although I don't do that very much with young family but it's also not a glass here or there I want.. It's as the amazing ainsobriety said...I don't want one glass of wine I want to get drunk. (Something like that!). That actually made the penny drop. In a major way. If I drink I want to be drunk. Life is just easier without it. I have had an amazing summer... Sometimes nearly high as a kite I feel so free. I feel everything more intensely without alcohol in my life and the head wrecking control it starts to have on you. Inspiration is key for me. I turned 40 in July, that's been my big one , don't drink after 40. So far so good

    I went to Portugal in August and had my first sober holiday. It was fantastic. I just got thru the first day and said if it was shite I would drink the next but it wasn't, It was great so I carried on and have since.

    So September is upon us, Back to school has been a pain but getting more bearable as we ease into the new routine ... Nice to know you are well xx

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  6. Hello!
    Any progress on sitting still? Lol
    I know...I have 2 kids myself and a job and a house and and...
    It does help with anxiety...

    I never wanted one drink either. And what I wanted always ended up making life harder...

    None is freedom. I like that!

    Nice to hear from you!
    Anne

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  7. Shoe horn alcohol into it. Yep that was me too! Now I am happy to watch others try and shoe horn alcohol into their day out and ruefully shake my head at how familiar it is and how easily I could end up there if I don't keep a reality check going on what my relationship to alcohol is. I love your posts MTTS and jump on it when I see you come up in my feed. My nephew played in the All Ireland Hurling on Sunday and the whole family were drunk for about 4 days straight.

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