Reflection

So, back to school time for Irish mammy, thank god! A bit of time for myself again. September (as sober mummy writes) is the new new year. A time to make some space for me time, to focus on things that we can do for ourselves, join a class, get moving, meet friends for coffee.

I've been reflecting lately on my drinking days. I'm so glad I'm free from all that worry and guilt. So glad I don't have to worry about getting the kids to school with a hangover or feeling bad if I open a bottle of wine on a school night. Free from all those thoughts about what I'm doing to myself, physically and mentally, and to my kids by continuous boozing. It's so freeing to feel that I don't have to take hangovers into account when I'm arranging to meet people or to do things. I'm free, free, free from all that! I can say yes to anything at any time and know that I won't have to cancel or take a rain check. I think I'm more reliable and a better friend now.

I found parts of the summer tough, especially when we were away in the UK camping. At a certain time of the evening every would be sat outside drinking yum chilled white wine or lovely, crisp lager. That was a bit hard. But I just cracked open the sparkling water and elderflower cordial and that got me over the hump. I'm so glad I didn't have that worry after having a glass, where was the next one going to come from. That prison that forces you to manipulate the day (not to mention the people around you) to shoe horn alcohol into it. I could never just have one. Even still, I don't see the point in it. And that's why I had to stop. I was drinking myself down to the bottom of bad health, mentally and physically.

Yes, I still have my bad, dark, rotten days, hours and minutes. Yes, my mental health issues weren't casued by alcohol but they certainly weren't helped by it. Yes, sometimes I miss it badly. But lately and for the first time in ages I'm profoundly and fundamentally really glad that I no longer drink alcohol.

If you are in that place of worry, of on line 'are you an alcoholic?' quizzes, of regret about what you did or said the night before, of concern about your liver, of trying to moderate, trying and trying and trying but really never getting anywhere - then please give it up. You are too intelligent than to let yourself get in the way of yourself!!

xxMtts