Hello guys
So it's a bit weird for me at the moment. In a good way, I think! I feel like I'm getting to know myself for the first time. Which is exciting and also a bit unsettling. Who knew that I'm actually more of a hippy (on the inside only people, no tie dye or dreadlocks for me thanks (well except when I was 20 for a year, less said the better...)) than I thought.
It's becoming more and more apparent to me that I value the time I spend with my family is the most important thing in my life. I'm beginning to appreciate less materialistic things and yearning for more nature in my life. (The fact that I seem to spend alot of my time wandering around shops and sitting in coffee shop belies that but hey, I'm trying to work it out!).
I'm thinking alot about the constructs of society and people having to work in offices sitting in front of screens all day just to earn a buck. I'm thinking is there another way, another way to make your life matter and to do what you love? For me that's where the idea of starting up a campsite or something like that keeps coming into my thoughts. Lovely husband is having a hard time in work and is really suffering for it, there's nothing more he'd love to have a job out in nature but it's hard to find a job like that that supports 4 people. Or is it? Do we need to turn things on there heads and look at what we really need vs what we think we need??
I don't know, I'm on unchartered territory here, this is all new to me. I've never had so much space in my head before. It's no longer consumed with alcohol. I don't know where my life is taking me but it seems to be in a new direction. It's a bit scary but it's so exciting too! If anyone is reading this and is terrified of giving up alcohol, please do give yourself a chance to discovery this whole new world of freedom and excitement and of getting to know yourself! I can't stress strongly enough what not drinking does to your life, I'm a better mum, wife, friend, sister. I'm better to myself, I'm looking after myself better.
The only thing is you have to give it time. You have to allow yourself get far enough away from alcohol to see the reality of what life is like without it. Once you get that far you will never want to go back.
xxxxxMtts.
I needed to read this tonight, MTTS! You've bolstered me up a bit here I must say. I love your thoughts on nature v being stuck in an office. It's a cliché, I know, but we're all a lot more likely to regret the not trying of things when we look back over our lives. Also re: living with what you need v what we all think we need; my OH started his own venture last year, we've been living on my very small part time wage, all 5 of us. It's amazing what isn't really essential!! I've big holes in my jeans, mind you ;-) Red xx
ReplyDeleteSounds interesting! how are you managing to get by on that?? You should start a frugal blog.
DeleteHaha -just seen this... yes it's nearly impossible, and mostly consists of praying nothing needs fixing, and eating vegetables. This worked ok at first, but it's now getting tiresome. I could always find money for booze tho. . Strange, that. Red xx
DeleteDear MTTS,
ReplyDeleteMy hubs and I love walking outside.
And so true that you have to give being sober time.
Then the good stuff happens!
xo
Wendy
I notice how I change also. Quite time at home is so much better than rowdy gatherings. I appreciate quite time so much more now.
ReplyDeleteBig thoughts and a really good time to have them:) I am spending this year focusing on being present and really connecting with people. Which I thought I was doing to before, but I was too self-centered with drinking to really do that.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with whatever you try!
This is all so true and reflects how I am feeling although I never would have wrote it as lovely as you did. When I live my life without alcohol I experience such a sense of freedom it is almost inexplicable. It is a really deep feeling and I am so much more connected to everything in that real raw way you speak of.
ReplyDeleteSpontaneously reverting back to drinking for... what can i say random nights like a dinner, birthday party, holidays etc (which i have done reasonably regularly) brings me immediately back to place I really really dislike. Drinking fast, sneaking in drinks, just never having enuf, inevitable memory loss and the total torture of regret. Its sometimes hard to work out why I have been so flimsical and not truly committed with this occasional opting out of sobriety. It's like I have only worked it out now; that being happy and content is actually enough. I don't have to run away from it. I don't have to 'celebrate' it. Life is definitely better without booze xxx
I know exactly what you mean but feel i can only focus on the here and now as being sober has making me have to deal with situations that I found quite difficult before and other things will have to wait. But I am starting to see that my future can be in my hands rather than being spent in a quagmire of wine and accepting things I am not happy with. Slowly slowly for me. I think it's also coinciding with midlife crisis! So much hope in what the future can bring and preparing the tools to do it! Good luck with all your plans. Exciting times xxx
ReplyDeleteYes. Time improves that perspective.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have similar thoughts about our needs vs our wants.
I have a job I like and a schedule I love. But we spend a lot on useless stuff. Perhaps without that I could teach yoga full time...
Interesting thoughts.