Hmm here's me trying to blog more often!! Not very successfully but I'm here now. It's been an odd few weeks. Lots of stress regarding our potential move into the boons (we haven't even found a house..) and worry about commutes and money and trying to buy our first house and set up a business at the same time. My husband really got stressed about it and his doc signed him off work for a week. Which was great as it really enabled him to have some space and be proactive and do some stuff about how he was feeling. It's funny, he was going back and forth about taking the week off - if it was his physical body that was sick he'd have had no problem being signed off and taking the week. However, because it was his 'mind' he felt like he shouldn't. Isn't that funny? That's how alot of us treat our mental health - not really something to be looked after or tended to and just to be dealt with when we're really up against the shit.
I'm running. Alot. (3 times a week is alot for me) It's my new bottle of wine. Stressed? Angry? Sad? Bloated? - Go for a run!! Woo hoo! It's my new endorphin of choice! I've also hit my target weight today in slimming world and am down 1 stone and 6.5 lbs since last February. I celebrated by eating a scone, then chips and a burger from the chipper later. Classy bird that I am.
Christmas festiveties are kicking in and that should be interesting..I'm definitely having some wine cravings. Sometimes I feel my whole body is tense from it! But 6 months and 200 days later I know this passes. Thank god. I have days where I'm cross and tired and pissed off. But that's normal I guess.
Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. You've all been on my mind, it's just been so busy. I hope you're doing well. Let's make sure we're there for eachother in December! Sorry for all the typos and crappy writing. Tired and lazy tonight..
XXXXXX Mtts. xxx
Wednesday 25 November 2015
Saturday 14 November 2015
Real life.
I was going to post about feeling good at the moment. I'm feeling the richness of a life that sobriety brings. Being able to carry the can when those around you can't or are sick or distracted. Being able to be strong and capable. And not even minding when you have to be on 24 hours in the day...About connecting with those close to you in ways that you couldn't do when drunk or hungover. Of the freedom of the worry and the horrible chat in your head about what drinking is doing to you....
But I can't stop thinking about yesterday day's events in Paris. What an horrific event. One minute people are enjoying their nice evening out, having a few drinks, something to eat, checking out some music....next minute complete madness and horror...I can imagine myself at that gig, having a great time and loving the music and then suddenly confusion and terror. It's times like this when we look around ourselves and really appreciate what we have in our lives.How spending our time drunk or hungover is such a waste. Writing off half of our lives in an altered state, not connecting with ourselves or those around us. Planning our days and evenings where the next drink is coming from and how we're going to make it look like we're not planning our days and evenings planning where our next drink is coming from. Being ruled by this substance that takes away your confidence, your ability, your strength and finally your self.
So I'm spending today with my kids and husband, and the cat and dog. And I'm appreciating them and making sure that I know that this is real life. This is it. And the best thing I can do is live it to it's fullest, not to let anything get in the way of that.
I hope you are all ok and my love to all of you and to all of Paris.
xxxxxMtts.
But I can't stop thinking about yesterday day's events in Paris. What an horrific event. One minute people are enjoying their nice evening out, having a few drinks, something to eat, checking out some music....next minute complete madness and horror...I can imagine myself at that gig, having a great time and loving the music and then suddenly confusion and terror. It's times like this when we look around ourselves and really appreciate what we have in our lives.How spending our time drunk or hungover is such a waste. Writing off half of our lives in an altered state, not connecting with ourselves or those around us. Planning our days and evenings where the next drink is coming from and how we're going to make it look like we're not planning our days and evenings planning where our next drink is coming from. Being ruled by this substance that takes away your confidence, your ability, your strength and finally your self.
So I'm spending today with my kids and husband, and the cat and dog. And I'm appreciating them and making sure that I know that this is real life. This is it. And the best thing I can do is live it to it's fullest, not to let anything get in the way of that.
I hope you are all ok and my love to all of you and to all of Paris.
xxxxxMtts.
Monday 9 November 2015
Planting my tree
Hello you lovely people
Thank you all for your great comments after my last post. I think I need to commit to blogging a bit more. Even if I feel I have nothing to say and it's just a one liner.
So the last few days were a bit better and the meh feeling has lifted a bit. I went out last night to a Diwali celebration with my Indian friend. It was fun and I even volunteered to get up on stage with others to learn some bollywood dancing...lolzzz
At one stage I was chatting to a lovely chinese/malay/australian girl (so multi ethnic are the Irish!) and I just really wanted to go home. Then I just said to myself 'hang on, one of the big pluses of not drinking is that you can actually engage with people, like properly, instead of just drunken chats. So I focussed myself on the conversation and ended up having a lovely chat about food. I actually really like talking to people About stuff. Part of me is pretty intolerant of other people in general but I'm going to really try some loving kindness action. It's only making me, and not anyone else, upset. So I think last night was a bit of a game changer for me, not sure yet in what way though.
They had some amazing dancers on stage and I did feel a little sad that I wasted my 20's and 30's wasted in one capacity or another. I wonder what I could have made of myself if I hadn't been such a drinker, and in younger year such a drug lover! Even using that phrase 'drug lover' in relation to myself seems so weird. I can't believe I used to do that shit. And it ruined me for a few years in my 20's.
Anyway, as some chinese wise dude said 'The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the next best time is now'
Off I go into the gale force winds and lashing rain to dig my hole!!
xxMtts
Thank you all for your great comments after my last post. I think I need to commit to blogging a bit more. Even if I feel I have nothing to say and it's just a one liner.
So the last few days were a bit better and the meh feeling has lifted a bit. I went out last night to a Diwali celebration with my Indian friend. It was fun and I even volunteered to get up on stage with others to learn some bollywood dancing...lolzzz
At one stage I was chatting to a lovely chinese/malay/australian girl (so multi ethnic are the Irish!) and I just really wanted to go home. Then I just said to myself 'hang on, one of the big pluses of not drinking is that you can actually engage with people, like properly, instead of just drunken chats. So I focussed myself on the conversation and ended up having a lovely chat about food. I actually really like talking to people About stuff. Part of me is pretty intolerant of other people in general but I'm going to really try some loving kindness action. It's only making me, and not anyone else, upset. So I think last night was a bit of a game changer for me, not sure yet in what way though.
They had some amazing dancers on stage and I did feel a little sad that I wasted my 20's and 30's wasted in one capacity or another. I wonder what I could have made of myself if I hadn't been such a drinker, and in younger year such a drug lover! Even using that phrase 'drug lover' in relation to myself seems so weird. I can't believe I used to do that shit. And it ruined me for a few years in my 20's.
Anyway, as some chinese wise dude said 'The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the next best time is now'
Off I go into the gale force winds and lashing rain to dig my hole!!
xxMtts
Friday 6 November 2015
Six months sober today!
Hello people
I'm so bad at writing these days! I just either have no time or feel like I've nothing to say. But of course today I had to say hey! Six months today. It seems like such a short amount of time - six months in my whole life, that's nothing! But also ages and ages. It's the longest I've ever gone since I started drinking. A small miracle. I never, ever thought I'd be able to do that long.
Thing is lately, I've been pretty much craving wine. I think it's to do with the time of the year. Getting dark earlier, christmas lights up in the shops (I know..), that time where people get dressed up and go out more.
I don't really see the point in getting dressed up to go out. Mostly because I don't really see the point in going out. (not that I went out much when I was drinking, mostly dinner out with the kids and then drinks at home) I know some of you will say to go out anyway, but to be honest, I'm not ready and I can't be arsed. Most of my socialising is done in the day now or in the evening calling to friends for tea. I'm mostly happy with that but I do feel a bit sad when I think about it. I was in a friend's house last night acting as chief stylist for wedding outfits, it made me nostalgic for that time of getting ready, listening to music and having a glass of wine. I mean I know that is all a rosemantic version of how it was and that's what's keeping me on track. But still, I'm an outgoing person and I did used to love the fuss around a night out!
I don't feel much like congratulating myself today for some reason. I suppose it's become my new normal. The novelty of not drinking has worn off. I'm sort of afraid that it's now that is the time I might slip. Over Christmas it might just be a case of 'oh just the one' and then I know that I'd be back to square one in no time. I have no interest in fooling myself that I can stop at two or three glasses. I couldn't even be arsed in trying. It's either all or nothing with me!
So guys, that's where I'm at. A bit meh but still not drinking. Still sober. Still trying!
Hope you are all ok and doing whatever you need to do.
lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMtts.
I'm so bad at writing these days! I just either have no time or feel like I've nothing to say. But of course today I had to say hey! Six months today. It seems like such a short amount of time - six months in my whole life, that's nothing! But also ages and ages. It's the longest I've ever gone since I started drinking. A small miracle. I never, ever thought I'd be able to do that long.
Thing is lately, I've been pretty much craving wine. I think it's to do with the time of the year. Getting dark earlier, christmas lights up in the shops (I know..), that time where people get dressed up and go out more.
I don't really see the point in getting dressed up to go out. Mostly because I don't really see the point in going out. (not that I went out much when I was drinking, mostly dinner out with the kids and then drinks at home) I know some of you will say to go out anyway, but to be honest, I'm not ready and I can't be arsed. Most of my socialising is done in the day now or in the evening calling to friends for tea. I'm mostly happy with that but I do feel a bit sad when I think about it. I was in a friend's house last night acting as chief stylist for wedding outfits, it made me nostalgic for that time of getting ready, listening to music and having a glass of wine. I mean I know that is all a rosemantic version of how it was and that's what's keeping me on track. But still, I'm an outgoing person and I did used to love the fuss around a night out!
I don't feel much like congratulating myself today for some reason. I suppose it's become my new normal. The novelty of not drinking has worn off. I'm sort of afraid that it's now that is the time I might slip. Over Christmas it might just be a case of 'oh just the one' and then I know that I'd be back to square one in no time. I have no interest in fooling myself that I can stop at two or three glasses. I couldn't even be arsed in trying. It's either all or nothing with me!
So guys, that's where I'm at. A bit meh but still not drinking. Still sober. Still trying!
Hope you are all ok and doing whatever you need to do.
lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMtts.
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