Hello my lovlies
I hope you're all getting by and doing what you can to fight the good fight.
So this weekend was a bit of a tough one. We went to a 40th birthday party where I ended sitting with people I didn't know while my husband played music with his band. I didn't mind him doing that and he loves playing but I was pretty much a lemon on my own. I was trying to look like I was enjoying myself but I really just wanted to get home. I'd had a mad week and I had to be up early the next day so maybe I was tired and a bit distracted but it pretty much sucked to be there sober I have to say.
The next day was better, myself and my friend were organising a charity cake sale fundraiser at our local farmer's market. It was really successful and we raised nearly 2k for our charity. Had a great day but was SO wrecked by the end of it. Normally after something like that we would definitely be having a few drinks. I really miss that. Even my compadre was saying she misses having a drink with me. I love that wind down, I've done a good job, I deserve this drink. Obviously I know where it all leads but I have been feeling 'Really? Forever? As in never again?' lately. I love food and I love wine. And I miss it.
BUT, I know where it goes, I know my friend on the stall would have shared a bottle with me and then had some tea or whatever but I'd have had another one, and another. I know alcohol is bad for me. I remember how it was making me feel and the road that I was going down was getting darker and darker. So I have to keep all of this in my mind when I'm feeling sorry for myself. Someone told me today that I have to remember to congratulate myself. And I have forgotten to do that. And I must not. This is a massive change of direction for my life and go me for making it.
Cheerio then people
xxxMtts/
Dear MTTS,
ReplyDeleteI just read your first post.
Every time I feel like I am missing out, I think of what made me want to stop.
It helps.
After being through more party times sober, it is getting better.
Not gone, but much better.
You are doing really great!
Congratulations!
xo
Wendy
Thanks Wendy!
DeleteHug
ReplyDeletePeople say stupid things sometimes. I'm sure your friend would not want you to go back to being miserable. She's actually just talking to herself, because she probably can't imagine life without wine.
She doesn't know the secret. That it's amazing. Relieving. Serene.
We do!
In fairness, she's a one drink woman! And I don't mind her saying it, I miss it too! I really miss having a few fancy drinks out with her and going to nice bars and all that. Sigh. I think I've hit a bit of a wall!
Deleteyou know alcohol is bad for you, you know it stopped working for you. it made you anxious, living with regret, depressed and you felt like a slave to it. Going out sucks now though to certain events, i hear you. Like you i have a loads of 40's coming up, incl my own with my husband next summer. Where we are renting 6 houses for massive family gathering and having a big party! I have had to turn things around thou. I cannot go back to the way it was, i cannot spend time not loving the life I have or disliking myself if I drink. Not enjoying my kids and being irritated by them if I am tired hungover or having a drink in the evening, then wanting more etc etc. I do other things now, i go to yoga (cliche!) and I go to a one night retreat every 6 months or so. It helps. I feel healthy happpy and refreshed. Sometimes I am so happy i feel high then other times I am so bored by it all i feel like I am cracking up. But i sit with the boredom and just let it pass and it does. I am sure your next post will be upbeat again. you are doing the right thing.
ReplyDeleteI hear you kats, I really do! Just lately I really miss having a drink. I feel l ike I'm forgetting how bad it was. I just miss the whole social side of it I guess. .
DeleteCongratulate yourself and keep focusing on the oh so many benefits! Nights out aren't the same but neither are the early morning horrors, hangovers, worrying, self loathing etc etc. And it's going to get better at 6 months!!! ;-)
ReplyDeleteYeah, someone said lately to remember to keep congratulating myself. I think I've fogotten to do that. What'll happen at 6 months?!
DeleteI keep reading/hearing that it gets easier and there's a big improvement around the 6 month point. Am hoping so! Things are going ok but i feel a bit 'stripped back' and a bit bleugh!
DeleteYou got through that party sober. That counts. Big time. I have a social even to attend this weekend and I just hope that I can stay strong. Just like you. I am so okay being a lemon. :) As long as I don't drink.
ReplyDeleteHope you did ok Time. I'm thinking that night socialising just isn't for me anymore...
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