I can't think what to call this post. I've been a bit down lately. Existential angst I guess. Pissed off with humans and life. Feel a bit 'what's the point in it all anyway?' What's the point when people just let you down (they haven't) and when your kids are just going to grow up and hate you anyway? This sober me seems a bit antisocial and does less going out at night stuff. Not even to the cinema. This sober me is grumpy and gives out about people. This sober me wonders how people who don't drink or only have 'one' (and 'one' not being one bottle) function or how they can enjoy themselves...
I was running 30/40k a week which was so, so good for me mentally until I fucking did my knee in and now I'm going to physio but it's sore and I'm not doing my exercises as much as I should and I can't run bar a couple of K a week (which I shouldn't be doing at all) I'm also continuing on the vegan diet which is an ethical choice but sometimes can be tough with everything else. I'm feeling a bit old, and dowdy.
Argh, sorry people to be blogging just when I need to off load. You've probably forgotten about me - sob. I love reading your blogs cos it keeps me going and I should be logging into them a bit more. It just always seems that I have other stuff to do. Maybe I need to focus on self care a bit more....Ah, I've just thought of a title for the post!
Check ya laters dudes.
xxMtts
Dear MMTS,
ReplyDeleteI haven't forgotten you!
I do know that when I get physically hurt or sick, I get down.
You can't do what helps keep you balanced, and it's easy to think it will last forever.
I can get very depressed when that happens.
We don't go out much at night anymore.
Sometimes we go out to dinner, or to a ball game.
But hubs still works, so he likes staying at home on the week days.
I do love doing more activities in the day, so walking, meeting friends for coffee, etc, is okay with me.
Self-care is good advice for yourself!
When I feel down, I need MORE of it!
Big Hugs!
xo
Wendy
Thanks so much for your reply Wendy. You're right, daytime is better for me. I guess I just have this existential sadness that comes over me now and then. Just a case of waiting until it passes...xxx
DeleteGlad to see you're writing! Venting is good!
ReplyDeleteThanks! A good old vent is half the battle some days! x
DeleteWe haven't forgotten you at all. Like Wendy said it is easy to feel down when hurt or sick. If you have been running regularly you are missing all that seratonin you would have got. Is there something else you can do physically, swimming? Cycling? You might not get the same high but it will boost you. A vegan diet can be difficult to achieve full nutrition unless you are eating a very balanced diet, could you be missing something? Maybe you are just in a lull and the combination of everything is getting you down. I hope you find your happy soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks GG. You've inspired me, I know I need to exercise in other ways so I'm going to get onto this asap. I hear what you're sayinga bout my diet. I'm trying to make sure it's as complete as possible but know that can be tough. xxx
DeleteDear MTTS,
ReplyDeleteI look forward to your blogs and am delighted when one pops into my inbox!
it's hard to keep all the balls in the air while maintaining this sober sh*t!
I passed my 365 days in June and hit a virtual wall! I too rarely go out at night and when I do, it's a bit flat! (I celebrated with my first becks blue! )
But the days make up for it in so many ways. So maybe concentrate on that feeling of joy?
I am quite a bit older than you but I exercise regularly. I do Pilates twice a week and highly recommend it. It helps align these old bones and ligaments and help to keep me supple and injury free.
So maybe try something like that until you are fit enough to run.
Sending love and peace
Thanks so much for your lovely reply! That's amazing, a whole year, how crazy! I'm looking into hot yoga as kats has recommended, hopefully that will at least keep me moving!
DeleteI think of you a lot and think you're awesome. You decided to give up the soup and stuck to ur guns so well even though many times you found the going tough. How many times was I so fickle and threw in the towel for a night out or just cause I was on holidays. Now when I am tempted I think of people like you and a few others who are so strong and determined. It is hard thou and I think I have a few hard months ahead. There is sacrifice but drinking erodes our happiness and we are better without it. Only last night I passed on a schools mum out dinner which by all accounts was great fun but I just couldn't face sitting there with water!! So I went to bed early then hit yoga at 8am. If u are like me and like cardio find urself a hot yoga studio. It changed my life when I was in crisis a few years back cause of one of the kids and I thank whoever there is to thank everyday for it. I also used to run a lot but am injured too. If you can walk do that 3 x 45 mins minimum a week or swim but you have to keep moving. I hope u feel better soon. We should meet on a retreat someday :)
ReplyDeleteThanks a mill Kats, I'm loving your prescriptive message. I'm going to sign up for a 30 day hot yoga class, it's only 50e for the month which is a good deal. I'm walking everynight with a friend but it's actually just a stroll really so I need to up my game and actually walk faster! Thanks so much again. Your message really helped. xxx
DeleteSending good thoughts your way. It is brave to reach out so good for you! Treat yourself with extra-special loving care - the way you would a really beloved sick family member. Oh and you are definitely not old -or- dowdy! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sam, I'm trying! Hard to think of myself with 2 small childer around too! xx
DeleteHi MTTS, of course we haven't forgotten you! I have missed you though. I'm sorry that you hurt your knee and can't run at the moment and that you are going through a bit of a downer. I hope you feel better soon. Sending you love and a big hug. A x
ReplyDeleteThanks Angie. I really appreciate everyone getting back to me! xx
DeleteHug. That sucks.
ReplyDeleteCan you see this as an opportunity for downtime? To get familiar with sitting still?
It's HARD, but it is really worth it.
Take care. That's all you can do!
sitting still?? am worlds worst at sitting still. Yes, and thought scares the shit out of me. I have to be on the go, and also the 2 children I've spawned have put a stop to any attempts I might make. But yes, I hear what you're saying. And you're probably bang on the button!
DeleteHello there! Totally get wot u r talkin about :-)! I think it's an age thing. I am defo pre menopausal (just turned 47 so a bit older than you) and have 3 young kids and have never experienced this kind of constant anxiety before in my puff. Drinking helped in that it took it away for periods of time, and was something to look forward to, but now we gave to just deal with life and life can be tough (well, relatively)... Stopping drinking is the right thing to do if you have young kids and want to be there for them! The thing with exercise is that it's also addictive so if you are forced to stop you are going to feel awful. You will have to find something to replace it. Reading about af lifestyles there is a lot of talk of mindfulness and gratitude. I am forcing myself to have a different outlook on life. You know, life is short and we may be half way through it. I do yoga - it's ok and I feel stronger. I eat healthier and have lost weight which is great. I thank God (or whoever) everyday for my amazing kids and life. But the anxiety is still there. So I blame it on my age.... midlife crisis? And I just refuse to deal. I am ignoring it and cracking on. Back to work for me after 10 years at home with kids. Starting walking with a friend. Going to do art class. Apart from that.... just cracking on. Love reading your blog and getting your news! However long between posts!!! Take care and try not to focus too much on the anxiety xxx
ReplyDeleteWe haven't forgotten you! I get the diet thing, I'm trying to be more ethical but it's tough, and the exercise is awesome, but rest up your injuries, otherwise you will be paying for it! I think we all go through the ...why did I bother? What's the point? But the cloud will lift.....xxx
ReplyDelete