Who am I?

Hello guys

So it's a bit weird for  me at the moment. In a good way, I think! I feel like I'm getting to know myself for the first time. Which is exciting and also a bit unsettling. Who knew that I'm actually more of a hippy (on the inside only people, no tie dye or dreadlocks for me thanks (well except when I was 20 for a year, less said the better...)) than I thought.

 It's becoming more and more apparent to me that I value the time I spend with my family is the most important thing in my life. I'm beginning to appreciate less materialistic things and yearning for more nature in my life. (The fact that I seem to spend alot of my time wandering around shops and sitting in coffee shop belies that but hey, I'm trying to work it out!).

I'm thinking alot about the constructs of society and people having to work in offices sitting in front of screens all day just to earn a buck. I'm thinking is there another way, another way to make your life matter and to do what you love? For me that's where the idea of starting up a campsite or something like that keeps coming into my thoughts. Lovely husband is having a hard time in work and is really suffering for it, there's nothing more he'd love to have a job out in nature but it's hard to find a job like that that supports 4 people. Or is it? Do we need to turn things on there heads and look at what we really need vs what we think we need??

I don't know, I'm on unchartered territory here, this is all new to me. I've never had so much space in my head before. It's no longer consumed with alcohol. I don't know where my life is taking me but it seems to be in a new direction. It's a bit scary but it's so exciting too! If anyone is reading this and is terrified of giving up alcohol, please do give yourself a chance to discovery this whole new world of freedom and excitement and of getting to know yourself! I can't stress strongly enough what not drinking does to your life, I'm a better mum, wife, friend, sister. I'm better to myself, I'm looking after myself better.

 The only thing is you have to give it time. You have to allow yourself get far enough away from alcohol to see the reality of what life is like without it. Once you get that far you will never want to go back.


xxxxxMtts.

Sober joy!

For so many years the thought of giving up drinking would (literally) bring me out in a cold sweat. I was prepared to change or do anything else in my life but quitting wine was not one of them. I thought about it ALOT, I knew it was bad for me. I always felt my life would be easier without wine. But I was never, ever brave enough to make the leap.

Then one day eight months ago I woke up with a hangover. My husband had been away the night before and I'd taken the kids down to a local restaurant (on the bus!) for dinner. I brought them to the place that I knew served massive glasses of red wine. I had two of them. Then I bought a bottle of wine on the way home and drank that too once the kids were in bed. I stayed up till 2.30am watching crap on the telly. The next day I woke up and I discovered sober blogs. I have no idea with the amount of alcohol googling I did how I had not found these blogs before. The first blog I found was Mummy was a secret drinker. I devoured it and through it found some more people who were on the sober journey. My husband came home that night and I told him I was giving up drink. For good. At first I think he thought 'yeah, yeah, then Friday will come and it'll be off to the offey for wine'. We spoke again the next day and he said that he knew I had to give it up and that it had gotten worse in the last year. The first few months were scary and challenging but also very empowering.

I'm so proud of myself for what I've achieved. I can't believe that I don't drink anymore. I never would have believed that I could or would have done it.

Like the lady says - No one ever regrets not having that bottle of wine last night!


Keep it country people.

xxMtts

Sober thoughts

Hello all my darlings

How are you all doing? Things are going well here. I'm 8 months down now, that's give or take 250 days, which is a count I never, ever thought I'd be doing. It's pretty amazing. What I've realised is that giving up alcohol isn't an all singing and dancing panacea for life. I still feel happy and sad and depressed and pissed off and all those things that I felt when I was drinking. But it's different now. It's more steady, it's not the depths of despair and then heights of elation.

And it's deeper. There is a massive hidden depth that people who drink alot miss. They aren't able to give themselves the time to really be them. They are dictated by hangover, drunkeness and cravings. When we become sober we are really able to look at life and try and work out what it means to us. As tipsy no more said on a recent post 'we are not born to drink and die'. We are given this life for whatever reason (or none) and it has the ability to be rich and fulfilling but how can we let it be if we are consumed by alcohol? How can we see the reality put in front of us if we're pissed? How can we ever achieve our heart's goal when we can't even see or feel our heart?

No being sober doesn't make things all better, sometimes you have to deal with a situation where you'd have otherwise taken the instant and temporary relief of a drink. Being sober is raw and real and it's authentic. It's worthwhile and it rocks like a mother.

In other news I'm feeling kinda guilty for not blogging more (always with the guilt ladies and gentlemen) and for not connecting with you guys more. I promise I'm going to try my best to be more active online. It makes the while sober thing more special and more important when I feel like I'm part of a gang!!

Talk to you all soon and hope you're all going easy on yourselves!

xxxMtts