Gah. Why am I so cold all the time? Annoying. Cold hands, cold heart.
Anyway for some reason I'm cross tonight. With myself. I didn't go to yoga tonight, (why can't I commit to anything?) back was killing me, I felt tired and shitty. I went to lie down for an hour when lovely husband came home from work when I should have gone for a walk or at the very least eaten a proper dinner. I haven't spent proper play time with the kids in ages. Am bad mother. I had 6 kids here today due to childminding duty (don't mistype me, am not flowery, gentle, kind mother who bakes and paints with children and never shouts - am opposite, If I smoked I'd flick my fag ash into the pot of gruel I was begrudgingly serving up for my family) and they did stress me out a teeny weeny bit.
Argh and I was having a great day, Mam rang me full of pride for my wine decision ('You've such determination, from the time when you were 13 and you decided you didn't like your handwriting so you learnt how to write more nicely..), had a lovely visit to the farmer's market, am now down 12lbs in fat fighters....what went wrong??!!!
Why also do I feel like I'm missing out on this becoming sober thing?
I didn't drink every night so it's not like I even get the martyrdom of
physical withdrawals (yes, I know, I wouldn't want them if I did). I have
to wait until 6 weeks sober to say I've done something that I've never
done before. Although in fairness, I've never decided to give up wine
permanently before. I'm afraid that I've made the decision to stop going
to AA I'm not taking it seriously anymore and thus I will relapse. Even
though I don't feel like drinking. When will it get harder? When can I
prove to myself that I can overcome a challenge?When will I FEEL LIKE HAVING A DRINK?? (I know I'll be back here soon wishing these days back) Am so mental. Is this no drinking mental or just normal 'I have my period' mental or even just normal normal mental?
Answers, dear hearts on a postcard please.
xxxxMtts
You should feel grateful that you are finding this easy and not having to white-knuckle it. I'm not sure if it's a pink cloud or not but enjoy it! The cravings may still come and you need to be prepared. I've felt like you in the past and then wham, out of nowhere I have felt like a drink and it gets me every time. Not this time though (I hope!) You are doing so well, keep it up! A x
ReplyDeleteYou are totally right of course! I feel bad now reading other people's posts who are really struggling with cravings. It was just how I was feeling, in a very bad mood, last night. I guess I need to be honest though on how I'm feeling. Yes, I am so lucky that right now I'm not gagging for a drink and I shouldn't be wanting to be! Thanks Angie.
ReplyDelete