Monday 15 February 2016

Missing wine

Hello all

Hope you're all doing well and doing what you need to do to be happy!

I've been having some cravings lately. Some 'I really miss wine and grown up conversation and getting dressed up to go out (this rarely happened, as I always usually drank at home. But still....) I was with my friend today and she was saying that we'd have to go out for our usual Mother's day lunch together. This always involved a bottle of prosecco and then more drinks when we got home. I really miss that. Luckily, I have so much to talk to her about it'll be fine. But I do miss that, calling down to mates with a bottle of wine and having the chats, meeting for a glass (2 bottles) out in the pub the odd time. Yes, I know most of these nights ended up with me not remembering what happened and feeling awful the next day. But still, I miss the anticipation and the release.

I'm not saying that I want to drink again I'm just saying that I'm struggling a little bit at the moment! Maybe with the whole vegan thing I'm missing my coffee treat in m&s, I loved that treat. I'm drinking black coffee now cos soy milk sucks ass big time so it's not the same!

The irony is if I was still drinking now I wouldn't be running 5k four times a week, or being vegan, or being sober!! I'd be stuck in that horrendous rut. I read Mrs D's blog today about how when we're sober we can really notice our ebbs and flows and ups and down and they are not influence by any drug. That she sits with the feelings, knowing that they'll pass. That being sober is great as it allows more grounding, more reflective.

So I shall ignore the impulse to fuck it all off, drink a bottle of wine and go party and I will continue on this journey that is leading me to lots of surprises and truths!

xxxMtts

Tuesday 9 February 2016

Shaking it up

Hello all

I feel bad for not having posted in ages but I've been sick and also I've been working through another decision I've made involving what I put in my body. After years and years of being a vegetarian I've decided to embark on a flirtation with the vegan world. So here I am a non-drinking, vegan, runner. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME??!!! How did this come about? I'm not a hemp eating, tie dye wearing staunch animal rights activist!! Who in this fresh hell is this new, unknown being emerging from it's crysalis?

When I talk to my close friends about my decision I feel like quantifying with 'but I'm not really like that' I suppose I have an idea in my mind of what vegans are like and I'm not it. I mean, I have a sense of humour, I like clothes, makeup, I get waxed for jaysus's sake....so I suppose I'm trying to see where I fit in in this new lifestyle. I've been thinking about it alot and I've been watching some videos on you tube about animal fare and I just can't be part of that industry anymore. I also feel great (apart from having a serious cold/lurgy type thing for the last week) I'm running 3/4 times a week and my mood is optimistic and positive.

Giving up animal products really reminds me of how I felt when I gave up booze. 'Awww I can never have wine/malteasers/brie/butter/cider again. That makes me sad' to 'Yes! I can do this, I feel great and I know this is good for me' to 'This is TOO HARD, I can't do it!' I know that it takes a few months to get into any big change in life and that I just need to give it time.

I'm still revelling in a new depth I've found in myself and my relationships. I love those deep, meaningful. all about life conversations that make you feel much closer to those you've had them with. I love that I'm growing into myself and figuring out (maybe 20 years too late!!) when I am and what I'm supposed to do.

So people that's it. I hope you're all keeping on keepin on...I'm off to make a gluten free, sugar free, dairy free, meat free, taste free pancake for myself. Yum ;-)


xxxxxMtts