Hello my darlings,
I hope you all had a great Christmas. I had a sober one! A Christmas miracle performed by moi! What a revelation, Christmas sober is a million times nicer. Really it is. About two weeks from the big day I had a wobble for about a week. I was looking through the windows of bars with all the twinkling lights and the groups of people filled with cheer. I was frustrated that I couldn't be in there, sitting at the bar, drinking red wine. Then I remembered, remembered what it was really like. Yeuch. Horrible and hungover and remorseful and just shite. It's been so much less fraught and cross and snappy without alcohol. Not saying it's been perfect but it's been a hell of alot better than it would have been with booze.
After that I was fine. I know I can't drink again. I know it's not good for me or for those around me. I've realised how much better my relationships with those close to me are. Lovely husband is just delighted that I'm sober. He's been so great and hasn't drank either. I have eaten my weight in chocolate though and have put on 4 lbs!! Slimming world is out the window, which I'm feeling guilty about. I notice that I wake up feeling bad for eating and promising that I won't do it again but by the time I'm up I'm thinking it wasn't that bad....it's Christmas after all. Sound familiar??? Wish I could just eat what I want and not feel guilty thought. I'm not drinking after all!
My saviour has been sparkling water I have to say. I just LOVE it!! I drink alot of the stuff and it's my fancy treat to myself. That and a fab recipe I found for a warm spiced apple drink, here's the recipe http://allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/6299/hot-spiced-apple-punch.aspx
Yum..feel free to share your go to tipple!
So my darlings, it's full steam ahead and a pat on the back for myself!
Lots of love to you all.
xxxMtts
Sunday 27 December 2015
Wednesday 16 December 2015
Christmas cheer
Hello all my lovlies
I hope you're all managing to muddle your ways through the start of the festive, party season...
I'm up and down at the moment. Currently, at this second (yes, it's up and down that quickly!) I'm feeling good. Excited for all the yummy food we'll be eating next friday, looking forward to making some virgin cocktails and buying some fancy drinks from Marks & Spencer. My lovely husband has been out a bit lately (overrated he tells me) and I was catering for a supper club recently where all the girls attending headed off into town afterwards. It's those times that I feel a bit, well, sad really. For that idealistic night out, bonding with friends, having the craic, seeing who's who and what's what. I miss getting really dressed up with a glass of wine in hand, listening to music, full of anticipation.
BUT then, I remember, I remember nights out were never, ever, ever like that. Well, it was, but only for about an hour or two. It was mostly blackouts, regrets the next day, worry about what I said, what I did and how much money I'd spent. How I got home and did I lose anything.
At the moment what I'm really tackling is the past. And regrets. What would I have done if I hadn't been either 1) Going off the rails on drugs in my early 20's or 2) Drinking - alot and dangerously in my 20's and early 30's and then just pretty much 3/4 nights a week after that. Would I have been a doctor (eh, no)or a nurse or a journalist or a social worker or a pilot or what?? Still I know that a career isn't something that often makes people happy, but I'd have liked to have tried!!
I also spend alot of last night worrying about the friends I left behind because of these things. Would I still be mates with my schoolpals if I hadn't discovered the joys of recreational drugs? Would I have been able to form more meaningful relationships (and hold on to them) if I was more grounded and a bit less drunk??
I know really there's no point thinking like this but I sort of feel it's part of a process. A journey somewhere. In fact I'm actually super lucky that I am where I am, with a brilliant family, amazing friends, enough money to get by and a dog and a cat. I know that's what Christmas is really and truly all about. And maybe it's time for me to be more thankful for that!!!!
Mind yourselves my dears. xxxx
My time to shine.
I hope you're all managing to muddle your ways through the start of the festive, party season...
I'm up and down at the moment. Currently, at this second (yes, it's up and down that quickly!) I'm feeling good. Excited for all the yummy food we'll be eating next friday, looking forward to making some virgin cocktails and buying some fancy drinks from Marks & Spencer. My lovely husband has been out a bit lately (overrated he tells me) and I was catering for a supper club recently where all the girls attending headed off into town afterwards. It's those times that I feel a bit, well, sad really. For that idealistic night out, bonding with friends, having the craic, seeing who's who and what's what. I miss getting really dressed up with a glass of wine in hand, listening to music, full of anticipation.
BUT then, I remember, I remember nights out were never, ever, ever like that. Well, it was, but only for about an hour or two. It was mostly blackouts, regrets the next day, worry about what I said, what I did and how much money I'd spent. How I got home and did I lose anything.
At the moment what I'm really tackling is the past. And regrets. What would I have done if I hadn't been either 1) Going off the rails on drugs in my early 20's or 2) Drinking - alot and dangerously in my 20's and early 30's and then just pretty much 3/4 nights a week after that. Would I have been a doctor (eh, no)or a nurse or a journalist or a social worker or a pilot or what?? Still I know that a career isn't something that often makes people happy, but I'd have liked to have tried!!
I also spend alot of last night worrying about the friends I left behind because of these things. Would I still be mates with my schoolpals if I hadn't discovered the joys of recreational drugs? Would I have been able to form more meaningful relationships (and hold on to them) if I was more grounded and a bit less drunk??
I know really there's no point thinking like this but I sort of feel it's part of a process. A journey somewhere. In fact I'm actually super lucky that I am where I am, with a brilliant family, amazing friends, enough money to get by and a dog and a cat. I know that's what Christmas is really and truly all about. And maybe it's time for me to be more thankful for that!!!!
Mind yourselves my dears. xxxx
My time to shine.
Friday 4 December 2015
Self validation
Hello all
Again, my posting more regularly is definitely going better...I just find it hard to find the time to post during the day and then in the evenings I'm just too tired! Still I'll keep trying!
So I'm 7 months off the booze now! Can't quite believe that it's me that's done that. 7 months seems even more significant than 6. I don't know why, I guess 6 months is a milestone but then 7 is just more normal and everyday, like it's what I do now.
I have to say I've been thinking alot about self validation lately. About how in any conversation or discussion I will always think that other people are right or know better than me. That my opinion or idea isn't as good or as 'right' as others are. Interesting. I wonder where that comes from. I have friends who have massive sureness in themselves. It's a lovely quality. To be sure of yourself. Even though in some aspects I'm very confident I can also be insecure and worrisome about things. It's interesting that these deep thoughts are coming up now, now the fog and relentless cycle of hungover, drunk, thinking of drinking and also of self loathing is gone all these new, more interesting thoughts are arriving.
I'm having a bit of a stressful time lately though so I have to be aware that old ways of thinking (circling thoughts, negative feelings etc) are a reaction to the stress rather than the truth. I'm thinking about a mindfulness course.
Also, I wanted to ask you guys, with Christmas coming up and all these yummy mince pies with brandy butter or boozy trifles knocking around - Will you avoid these like the plague or have some?? My gut is to avoid like plague but I'm just interested really in what people think in general of food with booze in!!
I hope you're all doing well. I will check in again soon. I promise.
xxxxMtts
Again, my posting more regularly is definitely going better...I just find it hard to find the time to post during the day and then in the evenings I'm just too tired! Still I'll keep trying!
So I'm 7 months off the booze now! Can't quite believe that it's me that's done that. 7 months seems even more significant than 6. I don't know why, I guess 6 months is a milestone but then 7 is just more normal and everyday, like it's what I do now.
I have to say I've been thinking alot about self validation lately. About how in any conversation or discussion I will always think that other people are right or know better than me. That my opinion or idea isn't as good or as 'right' as others are. Interesting. I wonder where that comes from. I have friends who have massive sureness in themselves. It's a lovely quality. To be sure of yourself. Even though in some aspects I'm very confident I can also be insecure and worrisome about things. It's interesting that these deep thoughts are coming up now, now the fog and relentless cycle of hungover, drunk, thinking of drinking and also of self loathing is gone all these new, more interesting thoughts are arriving.
I'm having a bit of a stressful time lately though so I have to be aware that old ways of thinking (circling thoughts, negative feelings etc) are a reaction to the stress rather than the truth. I'm thinking about a mindfulness course.
Also, I wanted to ask you guys, with Christmas coming up and all these yummy mince pies with brandy butter or boozy trifles knocking around - Will you avoid these like the plague or have some?? My gut is to avoid like plague but I'm just interested really in what people think in general of food with booze in!!
I hope you're all doing well. I will check in again soon. I promise.
xxxxMtts
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)